Archives for September 2012

Who Decides If You Are Beautiful?

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I devoted Chapter 22 of my best-selling book BEAUTIFUL AT ANY SIZE:  The Plus Size Women’s Guide to Nurturing Confidence & Self Esteem to the subject of this guest post from Tamara Gerlach’s website, so you know it is very near and dear to my heart!  As I quoted in my book,  W.C. Fields says . . . “”It ain’t what they call you that matters, it’s what you answer to!”

 

Are You Beautiful?  . . .  Who decides?

 

YOU DO!

 

There’s a woman I know. You know her. In fact, she might be you. She might be my mom, or my sister, or even me. She’s smart. She’s accomplished. She’s compassionate and loving. She’s changing the world in her own way. And she thinks she’s a failure. Why? Because she’s fat. Or at least she thinks she’s fat. Whether it’s true or not doesn’t matter, because she believes it. She believes that she is fatter than she “should” be. No accomplishment in her life competes with her less-than-ideal body. She will always think of herself as having failed.

Or will she?

Here’s the question I want to ask her… who has the right to tell you you’re not beautiful just the way you are? Who?

Possible answers include:

1. Everyone

2. Madison Avenue

3. Hollywood

4. Simon Cowell

5. The clerk at Macy’s

6. Your dad/mom/uncle/grandmother/sister/step-brother

7. Your husband/boyfriend/partner

8. Your boss/ex-boss/coworker

9. The girls in your sixth grade gym class

10. ______________________ [fill in the blank]

11. No one.

The only correct answer to this question is 11.

No one has been given the official seal of the universe to infallibly dispense the label of beauty upon those few who meet some absurd, arbitrary ideal. Your beauty is not up for public approval, national referendum, or The Galaxy’s Next Top Model.

Your beauty is self-apparent to everyone who loves you.

In sociologist Brene Brown’s wonderful TED talk about love and connection (watch it here), she says the difference between people who feel a sense of worthiness and belonging and people who don’t is that… they feel a sense of worthiness and belonging.

Yes I know, it’s a tautology. You see, the difference isn’t that they come from wealthy families or poor families, or that they had happy childhoods or unhappy ones.

The difference is their belief about themselves.

Brown’s research doesn’t cover this, but I suspect that the difference between people who believe that they are beautiful and people who don’t… is simply a belief in their own beauty. The difference is not between women who are 5’10”, weigh 120 lbs, and look like Kate Moss and women who are 5’5”, weigh 220 lbs, and look like Gertrude Stein. The difference is not that women who obsess about their weight and diet feel beautiful and women who don’t feel ugly. (Interestingly, the opposite may be more true!)

The difference is whether or not you believe you are beautiful.

No one has the right to define beauty in a way that excludes you. Not even you. Beauty is not objective. Even normative ideas of beauty change enormously over history and between cultures.

Why do we allow ourselves to feel terrible about our bodies?

Is it true that a woman can solve global poverty, cure cancer, invent cold fusion, plant a tree, or raise a happy child, and still look in the mirror and feel like a failure because her body doesn’t match some idea in her head about what it should look like?

You deserve better. You deserve to feel beautiful whatever your body looks like or feels like.

I think of Karen Carpenter, the singer who haunted my dreams as a child. Her voice was gorgeous and pure, she was an accomplished drummer, and a beautiful woman. Yet she always believed she was fat, and therefore ugly. All of her success musically meant nothing to her if she was fat, and she starved herself to death as a result. You can see clearly how ridiculous Karen Carpenter’s misplaced beliefs were. Can you see that in yourself?

Why is fat the be-all and end-all of beauty?

So what if you’re fat, or if you think you’re fat? Let yourself be fat and beautiful. Let yourself be beautiful with these five extra pounds, with these fifty extra pounds, with whatever number of extra pounds you imagine you have. Let them be beautiful too. Screw anyone who doesn’t believe you’re beautiful. They aren’t the boss of your beauty or anyone else’s.

You’re smart. You know better.

Treat yourself better.

CREDITS FOR THIS ARTICLE:
AUTHOR:  Kimber Simpkins
FROM WEBSITE:  Tamara Gerlach
DIRECT LINK:  http://tamaragerlach.com/perspective/are-you-beautiful-who-decides-you-do/

Filed Under: Around The Web, Body Image · Tagged: , , ,

What Stories Are You Telling Yourself?

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What stories are you telling that are hurting you?

Every person has a story to tell.

Sometimes we tell the stories to ourselves, and sometimes we share them with loved ones and sometimes we even share them with strangers.

These stories we tell however directly influence the quality of the lives we create.  Today’s article explains what I mean.

Our beliefs are frequently expressed through the stories we tell.  What do I mean by a story?  I mean recounting the incident that happened yesterday with your daughter.  Or the story you tell about how hard it is to pay the bills.  Or the one you moan and groan about how fat you look in that outfit.

All of those are examples of how our underlying beliefs are affecting the quality of the life we think we are consciously creating.  The beliefs are so tightly interwoven into the fabric of our conversations, both internally and externally, that we mostly don’t even recognize what is going on.

We think we are innocently discussing the challenge we had with our child, but what we are really doing is adding disruptive energy to an already disruptive situation.  Yesterday, was yesterday.  Either you resolved the situation yesterday or you didn’t, but continuing to talk about it a negative manner won’t help things either way.  If we’re not saying something GREAT about our kids, we probably shouldn’t be saying it. (Even to ourselves!) — And that’s true about our bosses, our BFFs and even our spouses! 😉

And that goes for thinking it also.  Replaying the argument over and over again in the so-called privacy of our own minds doesn’t help either.  Because The Universe is listening.  Our Soul is listening.  Quantum physics is at play and the negative vibrations are being transmitted out into the Universe and magnetizing similar vibrations to boomerang back to you.  That’s the underside of the Law of Attraction!

The same thing happens when get dressed in the morning, go look in the mirror and then turn away upset with your own reflection and saying “I can’t wear THIS today?  I look horrible!!  And then you add fuel to the fire with a litany of beratements:  “I’ve got nothing to wear.”  I look fat in everything!”  I hate my clothes!”  and eventually you get to . . . . “I hate my body.”

And that lower vibration has power.  

The power to harm. 

And it is harming YOU!

Your breathing changes whether you realize it or not.  Your stress levels increase, whether you realize it or not.  You drop something in the kitchen a few minutes later and proclaim it a “crappy morning” and find yourself stuck in traffic, so you confirm that it really is a CRAPPY morning and then you get to work and something unexpected pops up which you weren’t prepared for and so on it goes . . . .

The energetic vibration behind the simple story you told yourself when you looked in the mirror ripples out into YOUR Universe and mucks up the rest of your day.

So this week . . . become conscious of your stories.

If your life is flowing along and you feel happy and peaceful and relaxed . . . you are telling GREAT stories!  CONGRATS and KEEP IT UP!!!  

But if you are feeling depressed, anxious and stressed . . . your stories need improving!

If you can’t tell a better story – meaning finding something GOOD in the situation to talk about, then do something that distracts your mind and your mouth (and your Inner Critic – Herman in my case!)  Here are 5 things you can do to change and lift your vibration:

  1)  Go for a walk around the block

             2)  Put on some happy music

            3)  Go wash your hands, your feet, or take a shower

            4)   Cuddle someone you love and pets count!

            5)  Drink a glass of water and imagine that every sip is clearing          away your angst.

 

The bottom line here, as always, is:  

YOU are in charge of the life you have!

The more conscious you become of the stories you are telling about it – privately or publicly – the more control you will have to create the happy, peaceful, prosperous life you want AND DESERVE!

Namaste.

Filed Under: Featured Right, Inner Peace ·

Defining Moments…In Terms of Size

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I loved this reminder about how common place it is to define people in terms of size.  It’s no wonder that at least here in the USA, even young girls have self-acceptance and low-self-esteem issues, contributed to heavily by the media incessantly promoting their very narrow (pun intended) version of size acceptance.  The  article’s author, Sassy Minx herself Lisa Clark,  makes her point humorously which makes it easy to read, but no less meaningful!

 

THE ‘FAT’ vs. ‘THIN’ DEBATE . . . yawn . . . .

 

 

Enough.

Seriously, enough already.

Every year, when London Fashion Week rolls around, you will find me rolling my eyes at the complete predictability of it all.

In the same way that, every year, come what may, on the 27th December, you’ll be bombarded with celebrities pimping their exercise DVDs and the diet industry launching a never-ending supply of supposed ‘I-can-make-you-thin’ prodz, London Fashion Week sparks the same debate – fashion models are too skinny, there should be more voluptuous women on the catwalk, yada, yada, yada.

I’m a size 18. I’m hot. I have a gorgeous friend who is a size 8, she’s hot too. Society would like to label us ‘fat’ and ‘thin’ yet we both totally rock the bodies we’re in, because the size written on the label in our knickers, is NOT an indication of our awesomeness. Last night, I went to the dress rehearsal for our burlesque show on Saturday, and the girls I perform alongside are a truly delicious array of lovely shapes and sizes because, despite what the media will have you believe, girl-kind come in a gazillion different juicy-juicy forms, not just ’skinny’ and ‘fat’.

Putting a ‘voluptuous’ (which in media terminology usually means a UK size 12) model on the catwalk isn’t an insta-fix to the crazy-assed obsession we have with body image in our society right now, in the same way that highlighting how ’skinny’ someone is, or creating niche markets for ‘plus’ size girls won’t cut it either.

Last week, Adele was called a ‘little bit fat’ by Karl Lagerfeld, and then, when she won 7 Grammys at the weekend, the media celebrated the awesome talent of ‘curvy Adele’. What’s the size of her hips got to do with either Karl OR her freakin’ AMAZING talent?

Nothing. It’s bullshit.

As a self-esteem coach and agony aunt for Mizz magazine, I find myself continually exasperated/fucked off/annoyed by society’s endless need to label and define girl-kind by their body size, and as for the endless ‘fat’ and ‘thin’ debate, it just perpetuates the message that no matter what your size, as a girl/woman in the world, you’re never ‘quite’ good enough. Which, FYI, is simply not true. I work on a daily basis in all my work to ensure that girls and women of ALL shapes and sizes, love themselves JUST AS THEY ARE.

I know, controversial, right?

Niches, labels, ‘fat’ and ‘thin debates just continue to highlight the differences between girl-kind, which is why I’m on a mission to create media products that celebrate women in ALL their fabulous forms, not just for the clothes they wear or the size of their hips – don’t get me wrong, I LOVE clothes, shoes and make-up, but they most deffo don’t define me – but for their talents and skillz, their business savvy and their YOU-nique qualities too – get ready, the SASSY-fication o’ girl-kind is coming, g-friends – you in?

The future is bright, the future is girl-shaped. And FYI. That’s the shape you’re currently in, ‘k?!

 

CREDITS FOR THIS ARTICLE:
AUTHOR: Lisa Clark
FROM WEBSITE: The Sassy Minx
DIRECT LINK: http://www.thesassyminx.com/beauty-queen/the-fat-v-thin-debate-yawn/comment-page-1/#comment-3983

 

Filed Under: Body Image, Featured Left ·

Do You KNOW Who You Are?

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DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE??

 

 

Let me start off by telling you who you are NOT.

You are NOT your fat.

You are NOT your bank account.

You are NOT your zip code.

You are NOT your degree/certification or lack thereof.

You are NOT your job title . . . even if that’s Mother/Father or Brain Surgeon.

You most certain are NOT your To-Do List or worse yet . . . your I HAVEN’T DONE list!

When we whip around our human experience, it’s way too easy to get caught up In all that human, physical stuff.

Oh I get we live in a physical world. I get that there are always errands to run, people to see and laundry that needs doing.

But don’t let all that divert your attention from who you really are.

And for goodness sake don’t let all that DEFINE who you really are!

You are an infinite being.

YES DAMMIT – Bloody INFINITE!!!!!

 

Your POWERS are immeasurable!

Your TALENTS are immeasurable!

Your ABILITY TO LOVE is immeasurable!

 

Get it? INFINITE – withOUT measure!

So don’t measure yourself by your dress size. Or your house size. Or your bank account size.

If you are having one of THOSE days, or THOSE moments, where you have temporarily forgotten who you REALLY are . . . try this little exercise.

Use your gift of thought to picture or feel or think about the ocean. When you have the picture/feeling or sensation firmly planted in your mind . . . start counting the drops of water in the ocean.

What? Ridiculous you say? Too many to count?

YUP! EXACTLY!

IMMEASURABLE!

JUST LIKE YOU!!!

 

Just like your heart. Just like how much happiness you bring to those who care about you.

Just like how much power you have to change someone’s life with a hug or a smile or those FABU chocolate chip cookies that only YOU can make.

 

And don’t you forget it!

(OK – well . . . maybe you should print this and cut it out somewhere to remind you . . . just in case!)

Namaste!

 

 

Filed Under: Featured Right, Self-Esteem ·

FAT: The Truth Behind the HYPE

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FAT is a word that has  a potent impact when used as either a noun or an adjective.  I found this post by Deborah Kauffmann, RD, LDN, helpful to have a bit of science to help us understand terminology more rationally and less emotionally.

 

UNDERSTANDING FAT

Some Fatty Basics

Like carbohydrate, dietary fat is composed of carbon, hydrogen and oxygen. 95% of dietary and body fat is in the form of triglycerides, composed of three fatty acids attached to one glycerol molecule.

There are three types of fatty acids: saturated, monounsaturated and polyunsaturated. This refers to if a fatty acid is saturated with hydrogen atoms along its carbon chain, or if it could hold one more (monounsaturated) or several more (polyunsaturated).

Foods from animal sources contain mostly saturated fatty acids and foods from plant sources contain mostly unsaturated fatty acids.

Fat in the Diet

It is recommended that 20 to 35 percent of each day’s intake should come from fat. Fat provides the most concentrated source of energy for the body. It spares protein from being used for energy so that it can be used to repair and build body tissue. Fat also aids in the transport and absorption of the fat soluble vitamins – A, D, E and K.

Fat also improves the flavor, texture and aroma of foods as well as delaying stomach emptying, helping to create the feeling of satiety after a meal.

“Fattening” Foods

There is no such thing as a “fattening” food. Foods high in fat do not lead to weight gain if eaten when hungry.

During digestion, fatty acids are freed from the glycerol molecule. The glycerol molecule is converted to glucose in the liver, and both fatty acids and glucose are taken up by the cells to provide energy. Fatty acids that are not immediately used for energy are stored temporarily as triglycerides in our fat cells (adipose tissue). In between meals, these are again broken down to fatty acids and glycerol to provide the cells with energy.

We Need Fat

People tend to think it’s best to eat no or very little saturated fat, but the truth is we need all three types of fat. Saturated fat is involved in regulating the expression of several genes, regulating hormones, cell messaging and immune function.

Saturated fatty acids may also help to stop the development of cancer cells and regulate the availability of polyunsaturated fatty acids including omega-3 fatty acids.

Monounsaturated fat and the right balance of omega-6 and omega-3 polyunsaturated fats (4:1 ratio) have been shown to protect the heart, reduce risk of cancer and diabetes, boost the immune system and help with many other medical conditions. Since omega-6 fats are plentiful in our typical diet (most vegetable oils), the focus has been to encourage people to increase intake of omega-3 fatty acids (fatty fish, flaxseed, walnuts) to get the right balance.

About Body Fat 

Body fat (adipose tissue) protects vital organs from traumatic injury. Fat is part of every cell membrane and two-thirds of the brain is composed of fat. Fat is a major component of the retina, some hormones and hormone-like substances (prostaglandins), and the myelin sheath that covers our entire nervous system. A layer of subcutaneous fat maintains body temperature. It seems we are always hearing that a higher amount of body fat is unhealthy. Yet that is only true of a higher amount of visceral (deep abdominal) fat which is generally caused by lifestyle factors such as dieting, physical inactivity, stress, alcohol and smoking. In fact, research shows that a higher amount of genetically determined subcutaneous fat is associated with some health benefits – lower risk of heart disease, type 2 diabetes and certain forms of cancer.

I hope this clarifies some of the misunderstanding about dietary and body fat that exists in our culture. Looking forward to your comments and questions in the section below!

CREDITS FOR THIS ARTICLE:
AUTHOR:  Deborah Kauffmann, RD, LDN
FROM WEBSITE:  More of Me to Love
DIRECT LINK:  http://www.moreofmetolove.com/blogs/entry/understanding-fat/

Filed Under: About Fat, Around The Web ·

Is Your Past HAUNTING You? Overcoming the Past

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I realize that for many of us, overcoming the past and focusing on the future can be a speedbump.  Poems about overcoming the past  can be helpful and Spirit downloaded this one to me recently.  

 

YOUR PAST HAS PASSED…NOW what?

 

Now What? Get it?

NOW?

Because now that you finished that sentence and are reading this one, it IS your future, and whatever you were thinking, feeling, being or doing a sentence or two ago, is brought forward energetically into NOW.

So NOW we want to create the most joyful moments we can because we want to bring JOY and PEACE and all those good kinda vibes forward right?  At least if we want our future to be filled with THOSE kinds of good juju!

But what do we do about those past moments that we didn’t feel so happy or peaceful?  What about those moments that may have felt downright yucky?  What do we do about THOSE you may be asking.

Here’s the answer:  “Leave ’em in the PAST because 

the time has PASSED!”

Yes, it’s true, you may have brought a bit of yucky energy into your present because you didn’t know any better or couldn’t do any better AT THE TIME.

But here’s the tricky bit — every time you revisit the Past . . . you are bringing it back AGAIN into the NOW . . . and into your future!

You actually re-activate the same yucky vibes every time you think about “that” person, “that” event, “that” situation.

Not very useful really is it?

There are only a couple of useful things to come out of re-visiting a past experience:

1.    To course-correct – see where you went off your path so you can re-align with where you really want to go;  or

 2.    To uplift your perception of it so that you actually generate new, more positive energy In your present.

It serves absolutely NO useful purpose to rehash an old hurt or painful wound otherwise.  Oh I get how easy it is to fall back when you hear a certain song on the radio, or happen across an old photo while clearing up your desk . . . but the next time that happens . . . choose to remember reading this . . . and in THAT moment . . . DON’T GO into the pain.

Catch yourself!  Become conscious of what you are feeling!  Become conscious of the mind-chatter!  Once you become conscious, you activate your ability to CHOOSE how you WANT to feel, what you WANT to do next!

Sometimes you’ll be ready to review the situation from a more neutral position and see if you can find the blessing and/or change your perception.

But sometimes all you need to do is just MOVE ALONG to the next thing.  Put the picture back where you found it, change the radio station!  You become pro-active in your own life when you make those decisions!  The actions will lead you to better feeling thoughts instantly, if only because you won’t be dwelling on the past pain.

Better still you can re-focus your attention on something that opens your heart or puts a smile on your face!  Here’s a few suggestions:

  • Think of someone you really love
  • Pat your pet
  • Put on your favorite happy song
  • Actually SING your favorite happy song

The second you choose a better-feeling thought or take a better-feeling action you take a giant leap forward towards a happier future and you get the added benefit of feeling better RIGHT NOW!

Pretty cool eh?

 

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Filed Under: Featured Right, Inner Peace ·